Jan. 7th, 2017
it's so hard to say why this change happened. have my tastes changed since I got older? I had started birth control and moved away from my family and friends, and I don't think I had really recovered since then. i mean I was never super motivated and invested in stuff to such a high degree to begin with, but it was fun with people around into the same thing.
oing bad. the day was good, and I felt fine till this evening and I didnt know what I wanted to do with myself.
I thought maybe play games, there are so many I want to finiah, but I didnt want to play any of them. I dont know. not nor did I want to read a novel, or manga, or watch any tv. even though at least one of those things sounds good.
and then it felt like I was giving upANOTHER things inlioed, and I'm slowly losing everything that well, was me. I wanted to draw earlier, but couldn't manage myself to go get a pencil. I have no idea why. I've given up.
and I hate myself for it and I don't know why i have or what is going on. I've spent like 5 minutes just ugly crying over it. I dont want my husband to find out and try and comfort me or to worry, because there is nothing he can do. he's found a thing he's enjoying, I shouldn't ruin it for my own confusion.
the night had gotten better. My my new phone car mount arrived, and appears to be good, and I ordered like $50 worth of cute san-x stuff lol. it could have been a dress, but I'm feeling uncertain about the fashion again, so opted for the cute things that don't require me to be cute too.
but I feel like I'm in a better mood than like an hour ago, so yay.
My friend also agreed to hang out! the plan is for lunch right now. I hope I can see them more often.
I'm going to try and let sentimental circus inspire me in art. just cute animals doing whatever because yes.