yamneko: (anime)
He was actually super good last night. Their fun didn't end at 11, but they tried to be quiet, and I think it ended like 12/12:30 or something. And there was no crazy drunken anticts so it turned out fine :D

If we can manage a couple more of those without the shitty drunken stuff happening, I might be able to have some trust in him and drinking again.  
yamneko: (anime)
My only real task for the day was to clean the kitchen, and I have that mostly done right now, so I thought I would do some animation, since it's been a while since I worked on it, and I have a lot to do still for the little game.

So I'm trying to work on, and not completely hate it and want to start over (or not even work on it because I feel like there's no reason to work on something that I KNOW is going to scrapped)

And now I'm getting anxiety over it, and struggling to just keep doing the little animations. I wish I had someone who could look at what I have for the art and be like "so this won't work for XYZ but you can fix it this way"

But that's always my problem isnt it??

Also bought tickets to the concert later this week, and I really hope Hubby gets into it, he wasn't crazy about the music when I played him some, and my likes and dislikes and moods are so influenced by other people. Yeha some of the song lyrics are little... questionable, but I do really like the energy of the music. I do really like the band's music! But.. if he isn't into it at the concert... It'll make me being able to put up the noise and stuff harder to handle because he wont enjoy it and I'll feel shitty about having dragged him to something he doesn't want to be at. And it'll just be a really bad experience.

Now I feel like that's part of my anxiety too :< 
yamneko: (anime)

husband had asked if i wanted to get a full time job somewhere. I think this was prompted by me telling him how much I had made this paycheck from the movie theater. ($96) I work one, maybe two days a week, they just don't need the same amount of man hours as they did in the summer.

so he asked if i wanted a full time job somewhere, anywhere that was hiring. I said "not anywhere where I have to stand all day" I would die doing 40 hours+ on my feet.

so he said, well, we should get you back in school then. he told me to think about it. and now I've just got anxieties going.

I was already in a weird mood, with the shit going on in the news (trump Jr and Skittles, more black folk being killed with no reason) and now to try and think about this...  like what would I do???

I feel like the answer would be "art, animation, or illustration" but haven't I already tried??? do i keep pushing for it, because I don't think I can reach it. I don't have that personal drive. it's what I've been struggling against forever.

but I dont know what else I would or could do. things that rely on heavy numbers or complex ideas won't work. I had such a hard time trying to keep things straight in my head, I would be forever overwhelmed and stressed.

I don't know.


yamneko: (Default)

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